In 2010, my therapist asked me to read a book called The Secret; chances are you’ve heard of it. I bought it that night, thanks to the technology of Kindle, and it blew open my mind! I had NO idea that this side of REALITY existed! It was everything I wanted, basically for my entire life to change. Finally, I thought I could take control of my own life. Finally, I thought, I can have STUFF! I had no idea what was about to occur.

I spent my days in utter bliss. In Eckart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now, he talks about seeing the world in a whole new way, like he had never really looked before. That’s how it was for me. I remember sitting in my living room; it was autumn, the leaves were blowing off the trees; it looked majestic! While alone, I lived in such a state of transcendence that I couldn’t see how I had missed all this before! I began meditating three times a day and could have done it more. I tapped into a peace of mind I had never felt before.

I have five children; at the time of this awakening, they were one, three, four, thirteen, and fifteen. The little boys were a joy and loved the new mommy who laughed, danced, and played. All worries and fear had been wiped from me! I couldn’t have said anything bad about anyone during that time UNTIL my older kids and husband came home. My older kids didn’t know this new me, nor did Jimmy. Jimmy became alarmed and couldn’t understand what was happening to me for the life of himself. Our life, at this time, was hard. The United States was in an economic crisis, and our finances were in the same state.

A short pre-awakening synopsis of the state of our lives. Jimmy and I were married in 2005. We had just purchased a home the year before, which was a bit out of our means, but we felt we had the world by the ass! Our wedding was in Mexico with family and friends; it just so happened we were married by a Huichol Shaman.

I had two children with my starter husband and brought them into our marriage. Jimmy didn’t have previous children but wanted to grow our family. Three incredible boys were the result. Our family life was beautiful! We were utterly in love, and our home was filled with laughter! It also had an underlying stress that was increasing.

I didn’t know about the Law of Attraction then, but looking back, we brought financial ruin into our lives.

I got caught up in the spending of our wedding trip and began to worry. I wasn’t open with Jimmy about the expenses of our wedding trip; he was also worried. Worrying brings about more things to worry about, and before you know it, we had LOTS of financial things to worry about.

The economic crisis of 2008 that hit the auto industry, in which Jimmy worked, decreased what we counted on to cover the cost of our new mortgage. Without being fully aware (naive, yes; victims, no), our home was in a balloon mortgage, which we couldn’t refinance. It took us too long to see the writing on the wall of what was to come. The next thing you know we expelled all the savings and were living on credit cards. By the time we asked our families for help, we were beyond saving, in that way at least.

Now, here comes Mel’s spiritual awakening (which I didn’t understand at all) and was talking about going to Disney World. What the actual fuck!! Jimmy couldn’t handle it or understand me, which of course, he couldn’t; I didn’t understand me. He, on occasion, came to my therapist appointments to discuss his feelings. Dr. Townsend would say, you don’t have to understand her, but allow her space to ride this part of it out. The most intense part of this spiritual awakening lasted a few months, probably a few too long in Jimmy’s opinion.

Strange shit started to manifest into my physical experience. I wanted to take the van to clean it out but needed the quarters, which I didn’t have. So instead, I lugged the vacuum cleaner outside and began to clean it when, in the far back, a cupholder was filled to the brim with quarters. Clarke, who was four, was in preschool. He was supposed to bring in a school bus, like a matchbox car school bus. I looked all through our toy cars but didn’t have a bus. Their nana, Jimmy’s mom, happened to come back from a trip somewhere and wanted to bring over this small toy bus for the boys. It was crazy pants; I no sooner thought of something when something would happen or materialize.

One morning I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes. I was listening to a book about addiction, and I remember thinking, if I have anything I am addicted to, it’s released from me. I didn’t think anything more of it until a week later. I told Dr. Townsend how I had been feeling sick in my body and head all week. I had terrible headaches, my brain felt like it was foggy. I couldn’t hold hold or finish a thought. He asked about what had changed. I told him the only difference was that I couldn’t drink coffee anymore. He asked more about that, and I remembered the morning washing dishes. I realized after that day I hadn’t been able to drink a cup of coffee.

Here’s how that went down. I liked this expensive coffee; Jimmy was trying to help us save money, so sometimes he would buy a different brand and put it into our coffee grounds bin. I had assumed that he had switched the “good” coffee or the “bad” coffee, which is why I couldn’t drink it. I spent a few days accusing him; he kept denying it; finally, I let it go. I couldn’t stand the taste of coffee any longer. Like, I would take a sip and automatically spit it back out. I couldn’t stand the taste of it! It was awful! Once I relayed this to Dr. Townsend, it all became clear. I was pissed! Like, super duper pissed! I began screaming at my spirits that this wasn’t what I meant when I asked to be released from any addiction. I meant food, HELLO!!! I meant sugar; I did NOT mean coffee! It seems dumb, but I was mad about this for years. I haven’t had coffee since. Now and again, I try, but it is still the worst-tasting stuff!

It was the best time and the worst. I understand more now, but back then, I didn’t. My physical body was struggling to hold onto the high energy frequency of this state. When I was tripped up emotionally, I would have toddler-style outbursts. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster! I remember a sensation that the back of my skull was so heavy I had to hold it up with my hand. I literally walked around holding up the back of my head. I could feel the vibration of myself exuding out. Now, I wish I could feel that same level of frequency!

There were emotional things I could sense from others also. I was at the gas station once when a woman was pumping gas beside me. I could feel her fear of insufficient money to cover the gas charge. We walked into the gas station simultaneously to pay, her credit card was declined. To leave the house, I would insert myself into an imaginary bubble of protection to hold my vibration and not take on others. For all these reasons, I didn’t leave the house very often.

The most absurd experience during this time was when I turned into an owl. Yep, that’s right. I turned into an owl while I was driving my minivan. I happened upon this online radio channel called Hay House Radio. I listened to it almost constantly. There was a day I was on my way home from my friend Anne’s house (who also went through a spiritual awakening during the same time I did), listening to a woman named Denise Lynn discuss totems. I didn’t know what a totem was in spiritual terms, but as I listened, I began to wonder if I had a spirit animal. So, I did what I still do: ask Spirit. At that moment, my arms became heavy, like I had cumbersome wings. My legs shrank into talon-style claws. My head could turn completely in 360*. I remember feeling bug-eyed, staring out the front window. I wasn’t afraid, just astonished!

I got home safely and asked my Spirit, “If this is true, show me an owl.” It was midday with no chance of seeing owls around. As I was changing my clothes, I noticed an owl perched on a neighbor’s deck (by this time, we had moved out of our house into an apartment). The owl was a statue. I told my Spirit, “This one doesn’t count because it’s probably already been there. Do it again”. So, Spirit does what it does. Walter, our youngest, began jumping hysterically, trying to get my attention. He wanted me to get into this vase on the very top shelf of a cupboard. It was annoying as I was waiting for Spirit to give me another owl experience. Still, I picked up the vase and brought it down for him to look at. I wanted to show him that there was nothing in it, but, of course, there was a feathered owl on a stick. It was like a kids’ craft I knew I hadn’t made and had never seen. By then, it was fun to say, “OK, spirit, do it for me one more time” (I can be a bit of a dick. Thankfully, my spirits have a great sense of humor). Later that evening, we were watching TV in the living room; I think it was the Tour De France. The TV froze during a commercial with an owl flying, it appeared, STRAIGHT AT ME! It was like Spirit was saying, “That’s enough!”. I loved it, and still do. I have found that my way with Spirit can be very fun and silly. They’re my best friends! When I include Spirit into my daily life, like my best friend, I tend to have the best experiences.

In that awakening our life became even more tumultuous. Here’s why I think that is: everything is energy, vibration. Each thing, including humans, vibrate at a level. The level in which you vibrate keeps you in a certain state of physical life (if you’d like to understand this better, read books by Frederick E Dodson and Dr. David R. Hawkins). My pre-awakening vibration was in the dense 200s. Awakening in the manner I did pushes your vibration UP into the 600s. LIFE has a way of working to calibrate you like the balance of justice, hemostasis. For these past years I have BOUNCED from 600s down to the 200s then stabilized in the 300s (you might not understand these references but imagine Jesus at a vibrational level of 1000). As I yo-yo’d I was a collision course of, I’d like to call it disaster, but NOT, it only felt like disaster after disaster…and yes, still does more often than not. The only thing that held stead was my desire to follow my soul’s purpose. It has, over these years, been the one thing that has remained true. The chaos in my life has been because as deeply and truly as I have called from my heart to follow my soul, my physical mind, with all its judgements and fears have held me back. I don’t like saying this but, your heart is your beacon to your soul, think bat-signal. If you don’t follow, shit is gonna get real ugly!

Question: Have you awakened to who you truly are? If so, have you followed that in an easier manner than I have? Do tell.

~Mel