QUESTIONS FOR YOU:
- Have you experienced a spiritual awakening? If yes, are you willing to share a bit about it?
- Do you know what your soul’s purpose is? If no, can you share some of how that feels for you? If yes, can you share what that is and how that shows itself physically?
I want to write that life is falling apart around me, but that isn’t true. So, what IS true? I own a business that I feel I am not meant to work at right now—that’s weird. That’s weird because the business hasn’t made enough money to pay its bills, but I keep feeling I am meant to rest. It’s weird because I LOVE my business! I love doing the work of my business. What do I do? The short of this, and as you read through the long of it, is that my heart’s greatest desire is to follow the path my soul chose before my physical body came into this life.
BEFORE YOU BOTHER GOING FORWARD: I’m going to get my belief’s out of the way right now. I believe I am a soul that has a body. I believe my soul is a part of the whole of God. I believe we live many many lives. I believe in what is called “In Between Lives” where our soul, which is an aspect of God, chooses a purpose. From there, the soul chooses a family that will give it the opportunity to rediscover that purpose in physical form (our body). During our physical life we are “called” to that soul’s purpose over and over again until we “get” it. I don’t know that I am correct, this is just what I feel is true.
Back to my current life… My basic instinct is to work every minute of every day trying to devise a plan or way to either make money to keep the business running OR, at the very least, LOOK busy enough so people KNOW I am trying. Mel 5.0 (what I call myself right now as I lean into resting) keeps being told (by my spirit guides) (yes, I know I sound nuts…it gets worse or better, I’m not sure yet) to rest. I was sleeping at 1:30 am this morning; my spirits woke me up to tell me I needed to rest. I was like, “Hey, I’m sleeping, so that is resting. Why are you waking me up for this?” I was awake until 5 am before I fell back to sleep to wake up at 7:05 am to make my deliveries for my business.
On the way home from my deliveries, which take about 45 minutes each way, I felt inspired to begin sharing this IN BETWEEN of spirituality. What does that mean? Who the fuck knows….read on.
You know when you read or listen to books written by people who have had a spiritual awakening, and they tell you a short synopsis about the IN BETWEEN part (the time after their spiritual awakening, but BEFORE shit seems to work out for them)? It seems like it was way more glamorous for them. Eckhart Tolle sat on a bench homeless for what seemed like, not to him maybe but to me, 10 minutes before he was an inspirational speaker, a leading force for spirituality, and selling millions of copies of books. Regan Hillyer, a spiritual business guide to millionaires, shares her journey when she maxed out her credit cards to go to a workshop where she met a man who helped her change her life in what seems to me was 10 minutes.
I had a spiritual awakening in 2010, I didn’t even know that was a thing before it happened to me. Had someone described it to me I would have thought they were crazy! I thought I was crazy!
Let me tell you a little about my spiritual life. I was raised in a Pentecostal religion. I left the religion. I lived MY life; it’s had lots of ups and downs. I’ve been married twice and am still married to my second husband. We have 5 kids. Two of those kids are adults who, with their partners, have a total of 5 children. 1 of our kids is going off to college this fall. The youngest 2 of our kids are still in high school. I am 50 or I call myself 5.0. I love my husband. As stated above, in 2010, I had a spiritual awakening. It threw me for a LOOP! I thought I was crazy, and if it weren’t for my therapist, I would have committed myself to a mental hospital because the shit that began happening was TOO MUCH! I have been walking down a spiritual road since then, hoping my path would be EASY!!! Most recently, after experiencing a strong desire to die, not necessarily but absolutely in reality because life has been just not easy (I know that is relative). I finally made an appointment with a Newton Institute facilitator to take me into a past life and hopefully into my in-between lives, where you can reconnect with your soul family to gain some perspective. I did that earlier in July and didn’t initially believe what I heard. Then, through meditation, I began to feel it was true. The most profound things I heard are, “Be the LIGHT, be JOY, and I am not to work.” I am working on the last part about work. In that session I was told by my soul that all the physical pain in my body is because I don’t listen to my body when it wants to rest. Since that session, when I have worked in my pizza shop, I have experienced the cluster headaches that have plagued me for years.
I meditate, visualize, listen for guidance, clear my energy, and do inner shadow work. I also feel love and compassion for myself and others. I don’t DO these things because they’ll make me a millionaire; I do them because I want to live my soul’s purpose and feel compelled to do this work. My physical self desires to provide for myself and my family AND rest my head at night knowing I am proud of what I’ve accomplished that day. It is true that I also want to be a millionaire and have a yacht with a team to run it. I want to pay my staff so they can live out their dreams and desires. I want to share my gifts with the world and come back to God during the day, in the morning, and at night with love and appreciation in my heart. When my body dies, I want to KNOW I followed my soul.
Since my awakening, I have followed master manifesters—the people who do all the work I also do, and they’ve ended up like Regan and Eckhart, whom I mentioned above. Listen, we manifest everything every day of the week, every minute of the day; the question is, do you like what you’ve manifested? I LOVE so many of the things I have manifested: my family, my pizza shop, my friends, and my experiences. I also have not manifested many things I desire, such as the yacht I mentioned above and a thriving pizza shop or, at the very least, a business that can pay its own bills.
Sometime last year I decided I was going to manifest winning the lottery. Want to hear what my manifestation was yesterday that my guides told me and gave to me? Literally, as I am typing this, YESTERDAY my guides, in my meditation, said, you want to play the lottery? I said YES; they said go to the gas station and buy the gold lottery ticket. I told them I only had $10 cash. They said that the ticket would be $10. I was like, BOMB! So, when I went to run errands, I stopped off at the gas station, purchased a lottery ticket, there was a gold one and it was only $10 in a sea of other lottery tickets that were $20. I was like, awesome, maybe I’ll win enough to pay the bills for the week. I lost, won nothing, lost $10. IN REAL LIFE!
You may be saying if you can’t pay your bills, you shouldn’t be buying lottery tickets, but I’m here to tell you they’ve had me buy other lottery tickets, and I have won. I have yet to win more than $20, but I’ve won at other times when they told me to do this. Like when I was driving home on a Tuesday after a delivery, I heard, go win the lottery. I was like, BOMB! I went to the gas station, not the one I wanted to, but the one they directed me to. I purchased a lottery ticket and won $20. I said to my spirits, it would have been nice if I’d have won a little more. They said we didn’t tell you how much you’d win, just that you WOULD win. Oh, that’s right. That was true.
This post isn’t about the lottery. The point of this post is
- I felt compelled to share my journey; I’ve actually felt this for a long time but didn’t want to because I have yet to get THERE (I don’t know where THERE is).
- I am SO TIRED of reading about other people’s journeys who ARE there, and I’m not sure how to rest so, this is me resting.
If I’m honest, I have felt the pull to journal this journey for the past 10 years. I have started it repeatedly but have yet to post it because I’m afraid of sounding depressing or greedy or weird. I don’t want this to bring anyone down, however as I asked at the top of this post, maybe you’re in a space like this, too, and we can go through this together.
To end this post, I’ll ask the following question: How do you rest? I’m still trying to figure that out.
Mel